I have an idea for the perfect republican team: George Bush and Dan Quayle. Americans would be really happy because they’d be constantly laughing themselves silly:
Quayle: “Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.”
Bush: “Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren’t able to practice their love with women all across this country.”
Quayle: “One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president, and that one word is ‘to be prepared’.”
Bush: “They misunderestimated me.”
Quayle: “I stand by all the misstatements that I’ve made.
Bush: “I’ve abandoned free market principles to save the free market system.”
Quayle: “The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation’s history. I mean in this century’s history. But we all lived in this century. I didn’t live in this century.”
Who’s funnier? It is hard to choose.
You might be a republican:
1. If you are opposed to socialism and learned about it in a free public library.
2. If you hate the “de.ath tax” and the only thing you inherited from your parents was baldness and a 1948 GMC pickup truck.
3. If you think a man born in New Haven, Connecticut to a rich Boston family is a good old boy (Bush).
4. If you think a black man raised by single mother, with the middle name Hussein is an elitist.
5. If you are opposed abortion because you have enough money squirreled away to fly your girl friend to Mexico.
6. If you think it’s okay for Limbaugh to take oxycodone, but crack smokers should get life.
7. You want Terry Shivo and Dick Cheney to be kept on life support.
Q: What do you get when you have a basement full of Republicans?
A: A whine cellar.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig and with a Republican?
A: Nothing. There are some things even a pig won’t do.
Q: What do you get when you put 32 republicans in one room?
A: A full set of teeth.
Q: What is the difference between a republican and a bag of fertilizer?
A: The bag.
Q: How many republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but they won’t do anything without the permission from health insurance lobbiest and $20,000.
Republicans: daylight savings time is over, time to turn your clock back one century.
Q: Why were conservatives created?
A: Because the devil couldn’t be two places at once.
Q: How do you get a one-armed Republican out of a tree?
A: Wave to him.
You might be a Tea Bagger if: “Your family tree doesn’t branch.”
True story:
When they were prepairing Sarah Palin for VP, they had a security audit checking the passwords on her computer accounts. During the audit, it was discovered that Sarah was using the following password:
“MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento”
When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.
Q: What does a tornado, hurricane and a teabagger divorce have in common?
A: Somebody is losing a trailer